Many people come to me asking for advice, so I’ve decided to start an advice column.
My first piece of advice goes out to Ahmed, 22 of Ramallah, he asks:
Max, I don’t want to harm Israelis or soldiers or anything, but every once in awhile I come across a stone, and I just don’t know what else to do with it other than throw it at Israelis in vehicles traveling at high speeds. So my question is, what else can I do in a situation like this?
Well Ahmed, first I would like to take a moment to thank you for reaching out with such a great and important question! I think everyone can identify with this struggle, after all, it’s not everyday that you come across a stone, so knowing what your options are when you do is crucial for a successful encounter. One thing I would like to point out is that many people are fearful of wild stones, and they immediately try to put as much distance between them and the stone as possible by hurling it far away from them at a vehicle in the hopes that the vehicle will either take the stone even farther away, or that it will crash and burn, thus destroying the stone. Well I’m here to tell you that there is no need for animosity or even fear of the stones, they are actually quite docile, and I encourage you to cherish them closely when you do happen upon one. As luck would have it, I recently compiled a list of the top 5 things you can do in an unexpected stone encounter, I hope this will be useful! Heres the list:
1: Attach the stone to a leash and take it for a walk. There was once a time when stones were a very cared for and coveted pet, but for several decades they have been largely neglected, so any stone that you take for a walk will undoubtedly be extremely grateful.
2: Give it a bath. Most stones and even members of their broader family of rocks will go their whole lives without a proper bath. If you want to pamper one, you can even splash it with a squirt of perfume. It will certainly stand out among its peers, and will most definitely appreciate the gesture.
3: Take it traveling. As I mentioned before, most stones go their whole lives not doing much, and that includes traveling. Take a stone with you to see the world!
4: Collect three of them over time and juggle them. This one is less on the humane side of treating stones, but some people have a hard time seeing the humanity in stones to begin with and fail to see that they too are in fact humans. When you come across a stone, store it in a safe place with others until you have accumulated three, when you have done so you will be able to juggle them (assuming you can juggle).
5: Serve whiskey on the rocks. Keep some together with a bottle of fine single malt whiskey and a good whiskey glass, and keep all of this on you at all times. Next time someone asks you for a glass of whiskey on the rocks, pour the whiskey into the glass, and set the glass onto the rocks before your friend. This is an acceptable presentation in most countries.
Thanks again Ahmed for your excellent question! I believe this list will be helpful to you, and to the many others struggling with the issue of what to do when they find themselves in a wild stone encounter.
Looking forward to answering many more questions to come!
Your ally in everything,